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My Dad Story

06/18/2010

So, it’s no secret that I love being a Dad. I love it all. I love the stink diapers, and the messes and the crying for no reason. I would drop it all before I’d quit being a dad. I used to hate it when people would say “You just don’t know love until you have a child.” I’d think, “Sure I do!? I love my wife, I love my family, I love my God. I know love!” And, even now, I believe that is still true. I still love those things just as much as I did before we had Faith. Here’s a little video I made on my iPhone last week, as I was feeling extra mushy-gushy.  😉

But I have to admit, as much as I hate to, that some of it is true. All the cheesy talk that you hear from people about how you didn’t know you could love someone so much, really is true. My heart melts for my daughter. I make the dumbest faces and sounds just to get a smile from her, because it makes my day. I miss her when I’m at work, or when Hillary takes her on a girls day out.

While I am not bitter or angry about it, it’s no secret that my relationship with my own father has been less than perfect. I spent a lot of time dealing with that, and trying to figure out what it means to be a dad, without a dad of my own. While it still affects me, I had to become aware of the scar in my life before I could allow God to use it for my good. Several years back, I read To Own a Dragon by Donald Miller, and it changed me dramatically. The premise is that, while having a father to care for me, and be there for me would be great, I have no way of ever really experiencing it now. I have grown up without one. I will never be able to change that. While I see others with fathers in their lives, it is a completely foreign concept in my mind. To me, having a father is as imaginable as owning a dragon of my very own; very cool, magical even, but completely impossible. That realization in my life was something that was almost unbearable, but was a real turning point for my future. Psalm 27:10 gives me a great peace in how to deal with this.

Even if my father and mother abandon me,
the Lord will hold me close.

Today, I have an amazing wife who challenges me and continues to love me when I don’t do ANYTHING the way she thinks I should. And with her, we have a daughter who is the happiest child I have ever seen in my life, and another baby on the way. I can’t begin to express how thankful for everything that God continues to do in my life. He has been a Father to be when I needed one more than anything else. With a child of my own, I can relate to the way He thinks of His children in Pslams 129:15

How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.
They cannot be numbered!
I can’t even count them;
they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up,
you are still with me!

I want nothing more than for Faith to know that I love her with every thought that I have. I want her to know that even when she thinks I’m busy, and not thinking about her, I am. I want her to trust that when she sleeps, Daddy will still be there to hug her when she gets up in the morning. To know that, even when I’m mad at her, my thoughts of her are still precious.

I’d love to hear your “Dad” story. We’ve all had different experiences in our lives, and sharing them helps us ALL to better ourselves, and find where we are in God’s story as our Father. So, come on! Share you’re “Dad” story with the rest of us!

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2 Comments
  1. Nancy Ryan permalink

    John,
    How blessed Faith is to have a father like you–a father who mirrors her heavenly Father! I am thankful that you have allowed God to heal you so you can be His witness to your precious family and all those around you.

    • Thanks Nancy. I know that you know what it’s like to have a great Father of your own, and a great one for your girls!
      JL

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